


Danger Seems Like A Good Thing

by bapaldeul



Series: we shared a moment that will last till the end [11]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Running Away, The characters are a mess, Underage Drinking, Violent Thoughts, the end of the fucking world au, the tags look bad but they're all warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-23 11:49:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17079788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bapaldeul/pseuds/bapaldeul
Summary: Now conditioned to feel absolutely nothing at the sight of dead animals, Daniel starts to think that he needs to hunt something more: something that can make him feel alive again.While keeping Daniel around was not in the plan at first, Jihoon starts feeling otherwise when he realises Daniel is not like the others - he's always something more. Something more exciting, and something a lot more dangerous.A Nielwink The End of The F***ing World AU





	1. Something More

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! i wrote this fic months back and finally got to posting it after lots of consideration. 
> 
> by clicking on this i assume you would have read the tags already and are comfortable with proceeding - it's not a very typical story and definitely not something ive tried before.
> 
> just to be sure, i will be putting warnings at the start of each chapter to be safe.
> 
> take note that this was inspired by the netflix original: the end of the fucking world. if you've watched it, you probably know what's going to happen :)
> 
> the characters ARE HUGE MESSES and they make bad decisions all these are just fiction and not a reflection of how i see them in real life. again, it's a story.
> 
> happy reading !
> 
>  
> 
> specific warnings/triggers:  
> mentions of suicide, implied harrassment, language, implied sexual content, violent thoughts

For Daniel, the memories play like a never-ending cassette tape. The timeline is clear-cut, almost too clear. It shouldn’t be this _easy_ to remember your childhood. Most kids his age would say their childhood is a mix of cartoons and having sleepovers with their friends and having the best family who supported them in all their life choices.

 

Why didn’t his turn out that way?

 

Maybe it is his lack of humour; but if humour comes in the form of badly edited pictures on the internet that people at school can never keep their eyes off and celebrities who run their mouth off just because they are rich and worshipped, Daniel would rather he not participate at all.

 

Could it be the so-called broken family he comes from? He doesn’t understand when the counsellor at school calls his family ‘broken’ when it was never complete in the first place. He also doesn’t understand why she keeps calling him in and asking whether he needs any help with schoolwork because if she actually wanted to help Daniel he would actually rather she not talk to him at all, ever.

 

Maybe he could kill her.

 

Slide a penknife across her throat, watch her bleed out and sew her mouth shut so he would never have to hear her say, “Daniel, you can tell me _anything_ , you know that right?”

 

Daniel knows that, but he doesn’t _believe_ that. If he could tell her anything, he would tell her how he has developed an insatiable need for something more. Something more than killing and then collecting animals. Something to give him more of a rush – something to pump the adrenaline into his veins and feel alive again.

 

He _needs_ to kill her.

 

It would not be smart to tell someone that. Instead, Daniel just stares dead into her eyes, saying nothing and listens to the second hand of the clock in her room tick, and tick, and tick, and tick, and tick, until she finally sighs and closes her notebook.

 

“I’ll see you same time, next week. But if you need to see me please feel free to pop by anytime.”

 

“Okay, Mrs Lee.”

 

Three words, every session. Predictable and not at all dangerous. He sees a look of pity flash across her eyes and wonders if she will be looking at him the same way when she is bleeding out underneath him.

 

He thinks he will go for the neck.

 

“Goodbye, Daniel.”

 

He closes the door behind him gently.

 

He has close to twenty minutes left for lunch. Not that he has anything planned but he usually likes to take exactly half an hour to get through the ham and egg sandwich and apple juice that he packs from home every day. But on Wednesdays, he leaves out the apple juice because he uses up half his lunch period to talk to Mrs Lee.

 

Someone bumps against his shoulder, hard.

 

“Ow,” that someone says, plainly. Like the “ow” was a declaration of pain and not actually because the person was actually in pain. Trust Daniel, he knows the difference.

 

Daniel just looks back at him. He’s not going to apologise; it wasn’t his fault after all. In fact, he’s sure he is the one more in pain compared to the other person.

 

“Jesus fuck, does no one have eyes in this stupid place at all?”

 

He’s already wasted two minutes over this. Now he has to reorganise his entire lunch schedule. Maybe he doesn’t have time to take apart and assemble the sandwich today. He thinks about walking away until he realises something; something _very important._

 

He does not have to kill his counsellor anymore.

 

Compared to her wrinkly and saggy skin, the doll in front of him has smooth, porcelain ones that seem so fragile he would literally break if Daniel so as much laid his hand on him. Compared to her lifeless and uninteresting eyes, the boy has star-filled ones Daniel is positive he would have so much fun watching beg him for his life.

 

“Oh. You’re that weirdo that sits alone every day, aren’t you?”

 

Daniel doesn’t answer because he is mesmerized. Mesmerized by how the boy’s plush lips part to spew such coarse words. Completely captivated by how everything comes perfectly together, like God had somehow heard his prayers and brought upon him the perfect human being for him to kill.

 

He would love that.

 

He can already see it – tears rolling down the boy’s big eyes like crystal orbs as he begs for Daniel not to take him. But of course, he wouldn’t be distracted by that. He can practically smell the blood. It probably doesn’t smell like animal blood. No, his blood would be fresh, intoxicating.

 

“Fucking weirdo.”

 

“Fuck you,” Daniel says in response.

 

No one else would understand.

 

The boy purses his lips, as Daniel waits patiently for his comeback.

 

“I’m going to the rooftop because everyone in the cafeteria is being a dick. You want to come with?”

 

He has fifteen minutes left for lunch until the bell rings and he’d have to go to English class. Nothing important, really. He has something more important in mind – like planning exactly how he is going to kill.

 

“Okay.”

 

 

 

 

“Do you want one?”

 

Good things are meant to be shared. Usually, this applies to food and happiness and friends and good news. Jihoon is unsure whether this saying applies to cigarettes, considering they are bad for his lungs and the environment and the ozone layer.

 

“Okay.”

 

He says _okay_ to everything. Jihoon wonders if he is intimidated by Jihoon. This wouldn’t count as bullying or anything, right? Considering he did give the weird guy a choice and he said yes purely out of his own will. Jihoon didn’t hold a gun to his head or anything like that.

 

He lights the weird guy’s cigarette.

 

“Tell me your name before I refer you to ‘weird guy’ in my brain permanently.”

 

“Kang Daniel,” he says after taking a puff out of his cigarette. Huh, it must not his first time. That makes Jihoon feel a little bit better about himself, weirdly enough.

 

He frowns, “What kind of a name is that? You’re a foreigner?”

 

“No. I’m from Busan. I didn’t like my real name, so I changed it.”

 

“Oh,” Jihoon just replies because he can’t relate. He’s fine with his name, likes it very much, even.

 

What he doesn’t like is people throwing around his name like it’s nothing. Just twenty minutes ago when he was having his very pleasant lunch in the cafeteria, his handphone had buzzed. He opens the message from his three friends who are sitting right beside him to see a picture of him with a girl he can’t even remember the name of.

 

Then three messages turned into ten, and then twenty and then practically the whole school was messaging him, asking whether it was true that he had hooked up with the hottest girl in school last night.

 

No one is looking at him.

 

Well, not until he smashed his phone on the ground and yelled, “I’m sitting right here, dickheads! Grow a pair and ask it to my face – maybe then you’ll be able to have your picture taken like this one!”

 

No one says anything when he storms out of the cafeteria after that.

 

Stupid bastards.

 

Now he’s stuck on the stupid rooftop and can’t go back down until school ends because he’s just not in the mood to look at anyone in the face and resist the temptation of punching them. He’s also stuck with weird bo- oh, wait, Kang Daniel, now. Kang Daniel who isn’t making it very subtle that he is staring at Jihoon’s face.

 

“Are you trying to sex me up?”

 

Jihoon doesn’t like sugar-coating things. It’s way too much work to get answers to a question he is curious about. If Kang Daniel wants to stick around, he’s going to have to get used to Jihoon’s way. It’s his way or no way.

 

“Well?” Jihoon prompts, waving the cigarette at Daniel.

 

He’s like a robot. But like, a very uncool robot. A weird, awkward and totally uncool robot.

 

Jihoon pities him and pops the question for him instead.

 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

 

Daniel nods.

 

“Okay.”

 

Weird, saying “okay” makes it sound like Jihoon is the one who wanted it instead. He’s not going to go into that argument with himself right now. He shrugs, relationship status apparently going from single to taken in less than thirty seconds.

 

He doesn’t think he minds. He needs someone that can help him take his mind off some things like losers in the cafeteria or the phone he smashed or how much of a fucked up human he is.

 

And in that moment, he feels so sorry for Daniel for gaining a new good for nothing boyfriend.

 

They just sit in silence for the rest of the day.

 

Jihoon doesn’t ask if Daniel has classes even when the bell rings.

 

 

 

 

Pretending to want to be Park Jihoon’s boyfriend is easy. Pretending to be in love with Jihoon is too easy. Daniel cannot believe how lucky he is – it’s like God threw him a bone with no strings attached.

 

When Jihoon asks if he wants to be his boyfriend, he says okay because it’s really okay.

 

When Jihoon kisses him, he just sits there and lets him.

 

“I have to go home now.”

 

“Okay,” Daniel grabs his bag and follows Jihoon down the stairs.

 

They walk home the same way. Daniel doesn’t think of very much, just lets his mind wander into the distance when he stares at Jihoon’s back. He thinks it would be very beautiful, to break him and watch the life drain out of his body. His heart thumps at the mere thought.

 

“I don’t have a phone,” Jihoon says.

 

“Okay.”

 

“I smashed it when people spread some stupid picture of me and some girl.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“So you can’t text me or call me.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Jihoon turns back to look at him. Daniel just stares back.

 

Daniel thinks he could memorise the way Jihoon’s facial features change when he feels different emotions. A face like that deserves to be in a museum. God must have spent extra time on Jihoon so that Daniel could have more fun planning this out. For a moment, he wants to get reckless; pull out the scissors in his bag and drive it into the boy’s neck and watch him bleed out on the road.

 

But then the blood would be hard to get rid of and there is too much of a chance for someone to walk past. Daniel can wait – he wants to make it count.

 

For now, he can pretend to be in love with Park Jihoon.

 

“Do you want to go on a date?”

 

Jihoon’s expression doesn’t change.

 

“With me,” Daniel adds, in case it wasn’t obvious enough.

 

 

 

 

Jihoon finds Kang Daniel on the bench right outside the main gate of their school, exactly where they agreed to meet for the date, six hours after the agreed time. He is still wearing that weirdly large bomber jacket over his uniform, earphones still plugged into his ears and eyes that never seem to be looking _anywhere_.

 

“What the hell.”

 

Jihoon speaks his mind, because it’s what he does best.

 

Daniel’s eyes finally refocus, making eye contact with Jihoon. He takes out his earphones.

 

“You waited here for me?” Jihoon asks. “I’m six hours late.”

 

“You said you wanted to go on a date.”

 

“With me,” Daniel adds, a second late again as if he thinks Jihoon is a dumbass who thinks Daniel wants him to go on a date with someone else.

 

“So, you waited for me.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Kang Daniel is weird. Weird is an understatement. Jihoon can’t seem to figure out what is wrong with him. Still, he did wait six hours for Jihoon to come out and he cannot imagine what would happen if he decided to go home through another exit instead.

 

He decides to kiss Kang Daniel.

 

Daniel is not very good at kissing, most of the time he just lets Jihoon kiss his lips. He just sits there, like some dummy while Jihoon tries to kiss him some more.

 

“You can touch me, you know.”

 

Just in case Daniel is very big on the consent thing. He wouldn’t know. This is the second day he’s known Kang Daniel and also coincidentally his second day of being this guy’s boyfriend. They both don’t have a phone and don’t see each other in school.

 

“Where?” Daniel asks.

 

Jihoon sighs and guides Daniel’s hand to his chest.

 

“This is open _anytime_ of the day, alright?”

 

Jihoon doesn’t miss the way Daniel ever so slightly stiffens when he moves his hand down to his crotch area.

 

“And this area is out of bounds in public. But I’m just letting you do it now because you waited for me, understand?”

 

Daniel nods, “Yeah.”

 

Jihoon sighs. The mood from before (if there even was any type of mood) is now non-existent and he decides some things are better saved for later.

 

“Stand up, let’s go get something to eat.”

 

 

 

 

One thing Daniel doesn’t quite understand about Jihoon is why he’s so angry all the time. He wonders if Jihoon feels _too much_ ; because then that would quite explain things because Daniel feels _nothing_ all the time. Jihoon is perpetually on a mission to be pissed off, and piss other people off.

 

(Except Daniel because he already said he feels nothing.)

 

“Is this true?”

 

Jihoon talks to the lady who comes to take their order. He points to the menu.

 

“Number #1 budae jjigae in Seoul?”

 

She smiles sweetly at Jihoon’s seemingly innocent question, “Yes, it’s true! Customers love our budae jjigae the best. We’ve been open since the 1990s and we have regulars since then.”

 

She’s a nice lady and just doing the best at her job. Daniel almost pities her but then he remembers he’s supposed to be Jihoon’s boyfriend and not hers, so he just keeps silent and stares at the menu.

 

Jihoon makes a noise that sounds like a snigger, “Yeah, I bet that’s what they said.”

 

The lady raises an eyebrow but says nothing when she glances at Daniel. Daniel feels that he doesn’t really have to explain something he doesn’t understand anyway. (re: Jihoon’s need to piss people off and be pissed off.)

 

“Okay. My boyfriend and I will be having a four person serving with extra spam and rice and-“

 

“Wow, someone’s hungry.”

 

It’s a passing comment, a joke that Daniel takes no offence at because he really is hungry, and he doesn’t care if people take a jab at him. But apparently Jihoon does care because his smile drops immediately, replaced with a sarcastic smirk.

 

“Yeah and we’ll still have space left for dessert if your petty ass doesn’t mind.”

 

Her eyes almost bulge out of their sockets while for Daniel this is a norm.

 

“Excuse me, you can’t be speaking like tha-“

 

“And you can’t go around with that ass telling me what I should and shouldn’t eat. Why don’t you go to the kitchen and ask your manager whether two boys can get four servings without getting barked at by some bitch?”

 

By now she seems appalled by Jihoon’s behaviour and Daniel finds himself sinking lower into his chair as Jihoon’s voice doesn’t seem to be getting any softer. More people turn around to look at them, only fuelling Jihoon’s anger.

 

“Fuck this place and your stupid fake news menu,” Jihoon snaps before storming out.

 

Daniel just chews on his bottom lip.

 

The world doesn’t have to understand Park Jihoon – all Jihoon needs is for Kang Daniel to.

 

 

 

 

Jihoon waits exactly fifteen minutes before a box is dropped in front of him.

 

“What is that?”

 

Daniel just takes a seat beside him on a park bench and says, “Chicken.”

 

“There’s only one packet,” Jihoon deadpans but rips open the box anyway. He wasn’t going to stay in that stupid restaurant with the waitress who doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut at the right time. The downside to that is that he’s fucking starving. He dives into a drumstick and enjoys the way the oil coats his lips – much better than any shitty budae jjigae anyone could serve him anyway.

 

“I wasn’t hungry,” Daniel explains.

 

Yes, maybe the date was ruined. Maybe Jihoon has been on better ones. None of that really matters right now.

 

“Why are you always wearing that stupid jacket?” Jihoon says through his mouth stuffed full of chicken. Daniel is saying nothing as per usual, just watching Jihoon eat his way through a whole chicken like some creep until he remembers they are boyfriends.

 

“It’s like- forty degrees out in the summer.”

 

“Uh,” Daniel very intellectually replies.

 

He’s hiding something, Jihoon realises. Wiping his hands on some wet tissue Daniel has been smart enough to include, he pulls the sleeve of Daniel’s jacket upwards.

 

 

 

 

When Daniel was ten, he’d found his mother in his parent’s room hanging from their ceiling fan. From the way he’s been hunting and killing animals, he can tell that her neck has snapped, and she is dead.

 

Although she doesn’t look quite dead to Daniel. It must not have been long since she hung herself.

 

And weirdly enough, that is the memory that has been missing from Daniel’s almost perfect track record of remembering everything from his childhood. Everything – from the different women his dad comes back with every night to the way he had grabbed a kitchen knife the day after his mother hung herself and slit his arm open, watching the blood gush out, staining the white tiles in their spotless kitchen.

 

 

 

 

“Well,” Jihoon exhales.

 

Daniel doesn’t have to look at him to gauge his reaction.

 

Jihoon’s fingers are smooth when they run over Daniel’s long scar. Eight inches. Stitches and lots of stiches until he decided it was best people didn’t see it at all.

 

“It’s… _alright_ ,” Jihoon decidedly says. “Does it still hurt?”

 

Daniel shakes his head, no.

 

A while later, he feels something moist pressing against the inside of his arm.

 

“There, I kissed it. It’s better now, okay?”

 

Jihoon pulls his sleeve down again, concealing his scar.

 

Daniel almost laughs (and he never laughs. Re: he does not have a sense of humour.) because Park Jihoon most definitely did not heal his scar nor will he ever, but he can _humour_ someone, so he just nods.

 

“Okay.”

 

 

 

 

“I’m bored!” Jihoon declares to no one in particular. The street is empty as always; not even birds want to make a home out of this depressing town. The only sign of life is the old lady who sits in her front lawn two houses down and mutters to herself most of the time.

 

Jihoon nudges Daniel.

 

“This town is boring – she’s probably the coolest person here.”

 

Daniel cocks his head to the side, not fully understanding.

 

“Her?”

 

Not that there is anyone else in sight.

 

“Yeah. She’s probably an alcoholic but back in the old days I’m willing to bet my life that she was a North Korean spy or something. Something super cool and super illegal and definitely not super boring.”

 

The old lady is frail and obviously not in a good shape.

 

“Really?” Daniel replies quizzically.

 

Jihoon just hums, walking ahead. Then, he looks back at Daniel.

 

“Can we go to your house?”

 

And then Daniel remembers. He has to kill Park Jihoon. Scrutiny was always an issue during his previous attempts but in the comfort of his own house, Daniel can finally make his move, he thinks.

 

Park Jihoon looks radiant today – only Daniel thinks he would look better on his tiles, blood pooling from wherever Daniel decides to stab him. He shivers from the mere excitement of carrying out the act until he remembers he still has to offer an answer to Jihoon.

 

“Sure.”

 

 

 

 

Daniel unlocks his front door nervously, bubbling from excitement and anticipation. Jihoon doesn’t even wait for his invite and shows himself into Daniel’s house, making a dive for the kitchen counter first.

 

He wonders if he should run to his room to grab the knife that he keeps hidden in the lowest drawer or for the gun he knows his father keeps in the garage for hunting animals. Or should he be stalling? Should he sit Jihoon down first and then strike?

 

He doesn’t know, he can’t wait anymore. Desperate, his fingers slip under the hem of his jeans to feel for the small penknife he keeps hidden.

 

“Oh. Is this your mum?”

 

Daniel retracts his hand immediately.

 

He gulps, “Yeah.”

 

“Nice,” Jihoon nods meaningfully, placing the picture back onto the fridge door. “She looks pretty in that picture.”

 

That is as much of a compliment Daniel will ever hear from Park Jihoon, but he doesn’t mind. The bad news is, Jihoon is too much of a distraction to be his victim. Daniel inhales sharply when Jihoon finds a butter knife and starts making himself a sandwich with bread and Nutella.

 

_Not now_ , he tells himself.  _Take your time._

 

He hears the front door unlocking, and curses.

 

 

 

 

“Oh. Hello.”

 

Jihoon doesn’t know if Daniel’s dad is glad to see him or just being cordial. After all, it is hard to be nice to a guest that you’ve seen for the first time using your kitchen to make his lunch. But Jihoon can’t help it, he’s hungry and all Daniel keeps in his huge kitchen is bread and lots of knives.

 

Daniel is quiet around his father – then again, he’s quiet with everyone.

 

“Um… want a beer?” his father offers.

 

“Sure,” Jihoon agrees.

 

What he does not agree to is having a very awkward sit down with Daniel and Daniel’s father over Nutella sandwiches and ice cold beer which he has to admit, tastes good. He just munches down on his lunch and waits for someone to say something.

 

“I didn’t know Daniel was gay.”

 

Jihoon almost rolls his eyes. Wait, never mind, he’s going to roll them anyway.

 

“Not that it’s a bad thing!” his father adds belatedly. “I mean- I did suspect it. He never talked about girls or brought any girls home, so I thought maybe. Didn’t want to assume or anything.”

 

“Well. Maybe I’m straight,” Jihoon shrugs, finishing his can of beer and standing up.

 

“Maybe I just like messing around with boys to make sure I’m straight. You never know. I could be asexual. Not that it’s any of people’s business anyway.”

 

He doesn’t even asked to be excused.

 

 

 

 

“Do you hate your dad?”

 

They’re sitting on Daniel’s bed – Daniel on the right and Jihoon on his left. He can hear his dad downstairs making a phone call to God knows who, really. Maybe some other lady he’s going to bring home tonight. He doesn’t really want to think about it.

 

He looks at Jihoon, who is slumped back onto Daniel’s pillow.

 

“Yes.”

 

Jihoon doesn’t even seem surprised or bothered by Daniel’s answer. In fact, it looks like he’d anticipated it. Jihoon stretches his arms wide, then rolls over to Daniel’s side, and looks up with him with his big, glassy eyes.

 

Perfect.

 

“If it makes you feel any better, I think he’s kind of a dick too. Annoying, really. You should punch him one day.”

 

“I will,” Daniel promises himself.

 

He doesn’t move when Jihoon cups his thigh with his small hands. He just watches in fascination, wondering how his thigh could look so huge in comparison to Jihoon’s tiny fingers. He is going to be such a pleasure to kill. So pretty, like a doll. Daniel knows he will enjoy this.

 

“Your bed’s nice.”

 

“I don’t like it very much,” Daniel confesses.

 

Just like a video with no stop button, the memories replay in his head over and over. His mother’s soft voice as she coaxes him to sleep, reads him a bedtime story and brushes his hair while singing him a lullaby.

 

Daniel freezes.

 

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” Jihoon decides, fingers brushing lightly against Daniel’s groin then back to his thigh, although Daniel is crystal clear about what his intentions were. “And if you want, we can do something more fun then.”

 

He smiles.

 

Fun.

 

“Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Jihoon smirks triumphantly, completely removing his fingers from Daniel’s body and getting off the bed.

 

What Jihoon doesn’t know wouldn’t kill him.

 

Or… maybe it would. Tomorrow means 24 hours from now. 24 hours for Daniel to plan the perfect murder – for him to design a trap for Jihoon to walk into and then choose what he’s going to use to kill him. And then he can decide whether he wants to take it slow… or get the job done quickly.

 

And then finally… Daniel will be able to smile and say he’s taken someone’s life.

 

He can’t wait.

 

 

 

 

Jihoon’s foster family is the least to say… a big mess. He hates even being in the same room as his foster parents. Namely, his aunt and his step-uncle. And their two twin baby girls. The house is always full of crying – either from the babies or Jihoon’s aunt; because of the babies. Maybe that’s the only reason he feels the need to go back to Daniel’s house. He misses the peace and quiet.

 

And he promised Daniel he would be there.

 

“Jihoon, there you are. Put these on.”

 

He stares at the fresh clothes in his aunt’s hands.

 

“Why?”

 

“The party?” she cocks her head towards the gathering of people outside on their lawn. “You’re supposed to be helping out, and you’re already late. Now put this on and get outside now.”

 

“What? No, no, no,” Jihoon protests. “I already told a friend I’d be coming over.”

 

His aunt looks like a complete disaster. Jihoon wonders why they keep holding these parties if all they do is stress his aunt out until she looks like a truck has run over her and she’s about to lose her composure any second now.

 

(He knows nothing about makeup but he’s sure her mascara is smudged and that is a horrible lip colour. He wonders how a woman could have changed so much in a few years.)

 

“Well tell your friend that that plan’s off.”

 

She dumps the clothes in his arms and hurries off.

 

Fuck.

 

He doesn’t want to – at least not today. He wants to be alone, with the exception of Daniel. All he wants is to lie down in bed and feel like he doesn’t have to be anything in this world. He wishes for silence to take over.

 

But that is all just wishful thinking especially when the twins burst out into cries next door.

 

Daniel can wait. He’s a good boy. He’ll wait for Jihoon.

 

 

 

 

“You look pretty decent when you try to be.”

 

Jihoon purposely wipes his chocolate stained lips on the white dress shirt his aunt had picked out for him earlier, watching as the smile on his step uncle – or who he prefers to refer to as dickhead, turns into a frown.

 

Ah.

 

Park Jinwoon.

 

Ugly face, even uglier personality.

 

“Did you lose weight?” he peers closer at Jihoon’s face. “Your cheeks don’t seem as squishy as before.”

 

Jihoon swats his hand away distastefully, spitting a spiteful, “Fuck you” into his face.

 

When his hand lands on Jihoon’s ass on purpose, Jihoon almost breaks his wrist if not for the many people around them. Trust him, he would like to embarrass and properly teach this scumbag a lesson; has wanted to for many years now but he knows no one would ever side with him.

 

“You can leave if you don’t like it here,” he taunts.

 

“I’ll fucking leave if I want to,” Jihoon replies, tossing the plate of desserts he is holding into the nearest trashcan when he meets his aunts eyes and she says nothing about her third husband’s hand on his body.

 

“Believe me,” he almost sounds like the devil. “No one would miss you if you were gone.”

 

All it takes is for that one sentence and one more ass squeeze for Jihoon to swing his arm and slap Park Jinwoon hard across the face. He’s angry, fucking furious that he’s being treated like a joke in this household.

 

“Yeah, walk away. Do us all a favour,” Jihoon hears as he pushes through the crowd and runs onto the street.

 

Jihoon couldn’t even wait a few more months for his birthday to come to get out of that stupid house – and now he’s broke and homeless.

 

He only has his last resort left in mind and he prays it will not leave him in the dirt.

 

 

 

 

Ten minutes turn into half an hour.

 

Half an hour turns into one, and then two hours.

 

Daniel doesn’t move from his seat at all, only to shift the knife from the left cushion to the right cushion. He makes sure the weapon is concealed, because once revealed to Jihoon, he’s sure the other boy would run away into the sunset and they would never see each other again – hell, Jihoon might even call the police on Daniel.

 

Two hours turn into three.

 

Jihoon is not the world’s most tardy person – neither is he one to break his promise to Daniel.

 

The anxiety creeps onto his skin and he’s feeling very, very, uncomfortable with the thought of being left behind or even _forgotten_ by Park Jihoon.

 

He said he would be here, so where is he?

 

With an unsettled heart, Daniel fiddles with his fingers.

 

“Fucking asshole!” he hears a familiar voice blare from the entrance, and immediately keeps the knife under the cushion under his socks. Somehow he thinks Jihoon is not in the mood to sit down and have a “nice talk” on Daniel’s sofa.

 

The front door slams, scaring Daniel.

 

Jihoon’s face is beet red, and even though Daniel knows that the anger is not being directed at him, he shivers nervously. The boy looks livid.

 

“What’s wrong?” he asks in a frightened voice.

 

It’s less about what Jihoon is angry about, but more about the knife under the cuff of his jeans. The adrenaline is pumping through his veins, yet he is holding back from reaching down and plunging the weapon into Jihoon’s neck.

 

Especially when Jihoon rips open his white dress shirt and throws it onto the floor.

 

“Lend me one of yours.”

 

“In my wardrobe,” Daniel replies numbly as if he were programmed to do so.

 

Jihoon runs upstairs and Daniel follows suit.

 

Nothing is going along to plan – Jihoon was supposed to fulfil his promise to Daniel about doing something “fun”. Daniel even practiced kissing his own hand to make sure Jihoon would get into the mood.

 

And then, Daniel would reach for his knife.

 

He’d planned to watch the life seep out from Jihoon’s eyes today.

 

“Fuck, your shirts are huge,” Jihoon curses, throwing them out one by one when he finds he does not like any of them. Daniel tries not to be affected by how messy it’s making his room. He likes everything to be neat, and tidy, and in order so he knows where to find everything.

 

He finds one that fits his small, petite body and pulls Daniel’s black shirt over his head to cover his naked body. Daniel realises he hasn’t looked away once.

 

“Niel.”

 

Daniel frowns. He feels his skin crawl – not necessarily in a bad way.

 

“Yes?”

 

Jihoon cups Daniel’s face in his hand and tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips.

 

“Let’s get out of here.”

 

Daniel has already memorized the way Jihoon’s eyes glisten with overflowing confidence and self-assurance, but this is the first time he recognises a certain feeling contained in the other’s gaze.

 

Fear.

 

Park Jihoon is scared – but all for the wrong reasons.

 

He’s supposed to be shivering in fear when Daniel flips him around and slits his neck, watching him struggle for his life.

 

“What happened?” he manages to ask through the haze that is his brain.

 

Jihoon sniffs, looking away.

 

“I’m running away. This fucked up town does not deserve me. Do you want to come along?”

 

Daniel holds his breath. It’s the only way he can get himself to think fast. He figures he has time, especially more so if he follows Jihoon on this trip none of them have prepared for. There is nothing he wants to stay for.

 

“Yes, all right.”

 

Jihoon nods decisively, simultaneous with the car engine that pulls up into the entrance.

 

“We’ll need the car,” Jihoon says. “You know what to do.”

 

And truly, Daniel has never felt as free and as happy as he has when he punches his good for nothing father in the face hard and watch him fall onto the ground as Jihoon watches from the side-lines and gives him the most blinding smile after.

 

With the keys in the engine and Jihoon in the passenger seat and the knife under his jeans, Daniel finally grins.

 

If this is Jihoon’s idea of “fun”, then Daniel can’t wait to see where Jihoon takes them next.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope it was okay.....
> 
> it's something very new to me and my writing style but also something ive wanted to write for a long time so i'll definitely appreciate all the comments and feedback from u guys ♡
> 
> until the next time, take care!!!


	2. Too Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: violent thoughts, attempted sexual harassment, violence

The sun is relentless in making it the perfect day for punching your dad and then stealing his car. The road is empty except for them and the radio is playing some old 80s song Daniel has probably heard once or twice.

 

Jihoon is still in Daniel’s black shirt, looking out the window.

 

He still hasn’t answered Daniel’s question about what happened before, and Daniel thinks he will probably never get his answer. Jihoon is usually spontaneous about offering information about his personal life; if he doesn’t want anyone to know, it means he really doesn’t want anyone prying. Daniel just does his job as designated driver well.

 

When Jihoon clears his throat, Daniel looks at him immediately, waiting for a command.

 

Because well, Jihoon is the one who had orchestrated this whole runaway thing.

 

“So what do you want to do?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Truthfully, Daniel really does not know. He has never had any desires to do anything outside. His latest desire was to kill Park Jihoon, but he can see how well that has turned out so far. He gulps when he feels the blade of the knife on his skin.

 

Jihoon looks nice with the sunlight glow on his face.

 

“We can do  _ anything _ , we’re free!”

 

He then opens the side window and screams out, “I’m free!”

 

It makes Daniel smile and sends chills down his spine at the very same time. He wonders how someone as gloomy as the Jihoon from five minutes before can look so blissful in the span of a few seconds.

 

Park Jihoon is a lot to figure out.

 

“Ugh,” Jihoon rolls up the window soon enough, making a face. “Smells like crap out there. Totally not so freedom like. We should go do something fun. I have an idea.”

 

Daniel has many ideas of fun as well though he is sure Jihoon would not like his ideas very much. So, he just follows Jihoon’s directions and ends up making a few turns and switching up radio stations until Jihoon found a song that he liked and sang it repeatedly during the entire journey. It is nice, to hear Jihoon’s voice.

 

He wonders what sort of sound Jihoon will make when he kills him.

 

“Hey, sing with me,” Jihoon nudges Daniel playfully.

 

“I can’t sing,” Daniel replies.

 

“You’re no fun,” Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Come on.”

 

And so, he sings the same song, over and over, with Jihoon until they are both fucking sick of it and pulls over.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

“Die!”

 

“ _ Die, die _ ,  _ die _ !” Jihoon yells as he shoots at Daniel, and his points go down. Jihoon sighs when Daniel doesn’t even frown or curse when he’s severely behind on the leader board and Jihoon has already shot him a total of six times since their game has started and Daniel hasn’t even gotten  _ one _ on Jihoon.

 

Daniel is as always, expressionless when it comes to Jihoon.

 

“Come on, don’t be a wet blanket!” Jihoon lightly pushes Daniel.

 

Daniel just stares at him weirdly.

 

Jihoon purses his lips, wondering what exactly is wrong with this boy he had picked up days ago. Kang Daniel was always that weird boy who sat by himself and whose hair covered his eyes and never spoke up. He’s always following behind Jihoon, allowing Jihoon to take the upper hand in their relationship and Jihoon cannot figure out why.

 

He never asks for anything but goes along with everything.

 

Putting down his gun, Jihoon stares back at Daniel.

 

“Fine. What do you want to do?”

 

He’s angry. Mad that he was looking forward to having so much fun with laser tag for the first time in a long while, but Daniel just happens to be the worst person to play laser tag with on the planet and Jihoon has no idea what he wants.

 

“If you want something, tell me. Just say it to my face.”

 

Daniel looks confused. An upgrade from nothing.

 

Jihoon wonders if Daniel knows how dead he just seems to Jihoon sometimes. He barely responds, barely makes Jihoon feel anything that he starts to wonder if Kang Daniel is a walking corpse.

 

“Do you just want to kiss me? Is that it?”

 

It makes him frustrated that he can never figure out what Daniel is thinking about. And then he’s left to play a one-sided guessing game. It’s tiring and Jihoon doesn’t want to be tired anymore.

 

“You’re fucking annoying,” Jihoon sighs, throwing the gun to the side.

 

He jumps onto Daniel – thank god the guy is at the very least, fast enough with his reflexes to catch him and kiss him back this time.

 

_ Did he practice? _

 

“H-ah.”

 

_ Was that himself? _

 

Daniel definitely did practice kissing though Jihoon cannot figure out why and with whom he would practice with when he is supposedly Jihoon’s boyfriend but cannot bring himself to care enough when Daniel is finally kissing him back like he means it.

 

Maybe Jihoon was wrong – Kang Daniel  _ can _ make him feel things.

 

The kiss is just starting to get filthy when an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, interrupting the weird EDM background music, “Alright, you heathens. Get the fuck out of there, game time is over.”

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

Jihoon feels like having fish and chips, so they go and get fish and chips. It’s not far down from the laser tag place. He doesn’t have to ask, but Jihoon orders them both a huge serving. It almost feels like a vacation – with the badly done laser tag and generous lunch spread.

 

He doesn’t feel hungry. He’s not used to eating so much anyway so he just watches Jihoon munch on his own food. Daniel just sips on his coke and waits.

 

“Do you think your dad will call the cops on you?”

 

Daniel shrugs, “I don’t know.”

 

“You punched him and stole his car,” Jihoon remarks, chewing on a fry. Daniel notices that he dips all his fries, both long and short into ketchup. But never once does Jihoon double dip.

 

“He deserved it,” Daniel is surprised to find himself offering the truth so readily.

 

Jihoon hums, “That I agree. I don’t think my aunt is going to call the cops on me. She’s probably glad I left earlier than I was supposed to.”

 

“If she isn’t going to call the cops on her husband who can’t keep his filthy hands off me, I doubt she’ll care enough about me to report him missing _. Oh, who am I kidding _ – they’re probably celebrating my absence back home,” he shrugs.

 

“With their stupid chocolate cakes and disgusting wines,” Jihoon concludes with spite.

 

Daniel didn’t know that Jihoon was living with his aunt, nor what Jihoon means by her husband being unable to keep his hands off Jihoon but he doesn’t press for the details of what sounds like an extravagant party back home.

 

“What,” Jihoon deadpans when Daniel doesn’t say anything in return.

 

One would have thought Jihoon would have gotten used to Daniel’s way of listening already.

 

“Nothing,” he finally says. “You’re… eating well.”

 

Jihoon stares at his almost empty plate and then at Daniel’s still full one.

 

“I was hungry.”

 

The waitress walks over and places a piece of paper at the side of their table, smiling pleasantly at the both of them before taking her leave again. Jihoon immediately grabs the paper and chokes on his drink.

 

“Fuck. You have money, right?”

 

Daniel’s eyes grow wide, “Me? I thought you had money.”

 

“That I spent on both of us at laser tag,” Jihoon hisses under his breath, careful not to raise any suspicion.

 

“That was all the money you had?”

 

Jihoon folds his arms, clearly unhappy with Daniel’s subpar reaction.

 

“Fuck off, I didn’t know I was the only one who could contribute on this runaway mission.”

 

And Daniel didn’t know he was supposed to bring money out. On hindsight, he probably should have. Maybe then they would run into significantly less problems after that. But the reality is that they have just spent all their money on some stupid laser tag game that Jihoon had cut short by shoving his tongue into Daniel’s mouth.

 

They’re – in Jihoon’s favourite word,  _ fucked _ .

 

“What are we going to do?” Daniel asks. 

 

Jihoon is smart, or maybe sly is a better word in this case. Either way, his brain always seems to come up with something to get them out of a situation. Daniel isn’t exactly in favour of going to jail so early either.

 

“Okay,” Jihoon lowers his voice to a whisper. “Easy, we’ll just walk out of here when they aren’t paying any attention to us.”

 

Daniel doesn’t have a better idea, so he just nods.

 

Jihoon smiles wickedly at Daniel’s lack of reaction.

 

“Don’t tell me you’re scared,” he teases.

 

Daniel tends to feel a lot of nothing. Even when he does, it is definitely not going to be fear. Especially not when this is nothing compared to what he plans to do with a certain Park Jihoon who keeps pushing his buttons and taunting him to do bad things.

 

“ _ Please _ ,” he says, rolling his eyes as he bruises his hands into the pockets of his jacket and strolls out.

 

He knows he has pleased Jihoon when the other boy slides in next to him in the passenger seat and caresses his thigh.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

“You want to know something?”

 

Jihoon doesn’t wait for Daniel’s answer – he doesn’t need to. The boy is practically at his beck and call.

 

“You are actually quite handsome.”

 

Jihoon doesn’t like to keep his thoughts inside him. His mother once told him – always let his thoughts out. Keeping too many feelings inside you will eat you up from the inside one day. Whatever Jihoon feels or thinks, he likes to say it out loud.

 

Daniel just glances at him, then back at the road.

 

“Am I supposed to say it back to you too?” Daniel responds.

 

Jihoon pouts, though thoroughly amused by Daniel’s behaviour. This boy only manages to surprise him more every single minute they spend together. He thanks God – Kang Daniel is definitely not boring.

 

“No,” he shakes his head. “Because I already know.”

 

But he really does think Kang Daniel is more than average looking. Nobody made Jihoon the judge of looks but maybe if Daniel lost the emo black hair, went to the gym more, had nicer clothes, he would make it to the-

 

“Magazine,” Jihoon says. “You’d make a good model, since you have a freakishly long body. I once got an invitation from some shady company, telling me they would be able to make me a model. Then when I got there I realised it was a cover up to get me to join their mafia gang. Scary, right?”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“They were flattering me for sure. But you-  _ you _ definitely have the body. You have firm thighs. Do you work out? Do you have abs?”

 

Daniel swats Jihoon’s hand away – the first time, actually.

 

“No,” Daniel has a knowing smile on his face when he replies.

 

“Liar,” Jihoon reaches over to grab Daniel’s shirt to sneak a peek and see whether Kang Daniel is a good liar or not.

 

Surprised, Daniel swerves for a moment, panicking when Jihoon’s hands tug at his shirt.

 

“I don’t have abs,” Daniel protests, holding Jihoon’s hand down.

 

It is the first time Jihoon sees Daniel being so flustered and protective of something and it actually strikes him that Daniel is quite cute, and how can Jihoon stop whatever he is doing when he’s actually having fun for once?

 

“C’mon just one tiny peek?” Jihoon giggles.

 

“Jihoon,” Daniel warns. “I’m driving!”

 

They’re having too many first times today. That is also the first time Daniel has called Jihoon’s name like that and it is so intriguing. Jihoon wants more.

 

“Then focus on driving,” Jihoon snaps back, already impatient.

 

And then somewhere along the teasing and Daniel trying to keep them alive by not driving off the road, he hears Daniel curse and what follows is an explosive bang, followed by Jihoon’s head knocking hard against the head of the car.

 

“Oh, fuck me.”

 

In any other case Jihoon would say something rather stupid back like “if you insist” but when he sees the trunk of Daniel’s dad’s car on fire, he decides that there is a time and place for everything and this is not the time, neither the place for an inappropriate joke.

 

“Come on, get out before it explodes,” Daniel says, unbuckling their seatbelts and unlocking the car.

 

Jihoon follows suit, not wanting to be burnt alive.

 

“God,” he hears Daniel sigh again. “That was my dad’s favourite car and I ruined it.”

 

“You also punched your dad in the face,” Jihoon chimes in but gets a look from Daniel that tells him maybe this is a time to keep his thoughts to himself.

 

“Relax. It’s not going to explode. This isn’t some kind of Hollywood movie. Those are all special effects-“

 

The car does, in fact, explode right in front of Jihoon’s eyes.

 

For once, Jihoon is at a loss for words. And Daniel… is just Daniel.

 

“Well, we can’t go home,” he finally says.

 

More like, Jihoon doesn’t want to go home because he has no home to go to. He doesn’t want to return to his stupid aunt and Park Jinwoon and the two crying babies. This is the most fun he’s had his entire life and he does not want an exploding car to destroy the fun for both of them.

 

He tugs on Daniel’s jacket, “You don’t want to go home either, right?”

 

“No.”

 

Jihoon lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

 

“Well, okay. Let’s go, then.”

 

Daniel looks at him strangely, “To where?”

 

Jihoon glances vaguely at the trees behind them. They’re surrounded by nothing but greenery and a small road for cars to travel on.

 

“ _ Wherever _ . Do I look like I planned for the car to explode?”

 

Jihoon just sighs and trudges into the forest behind him. At least getting eaten by a wild boar in the forest seems like a better end than growing old in that godforsaken household. And maybe he feels a little better when he hears Daniel’s heavy footsteps following behind him a few seconds later.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

It’s happening again. Daniel wants to reach out to the boy in front of him in his black shirt and pull out the blade from underneath his socks and plunge it into his chest. Before, he’d been aiming for the neck.

 

But he thinks he would want to watch Jihoon struggle, maybe even attempt to pull the knife out of his chest. Would he scream, or curse at Daniel?

 

_ No _ , Daniel tells himself.

 

_ Not now. _

 

The police will find the car and trace it back to him.

 

He gulps, his throat already dry from the nervousness and excitement that is coursing through his veins right now. He cannot wait to have his hands on Park Jihoon, finally.

 

“Hey, you. Get a car.”

 

They’ve reached one of the ends of the path that they were walking on, and Jihoon is crossing his arms, waiting for Daniel to pull his weight on the runaway plan. He doesn’t mind - it is getting dark and he’s not a big fan of staying out in the wild when night falls.

 

The only problem is… no one is stopping for them.

 

“Is chivalry dead or what?” Jihoon snaps, stepping up  when the nth car drives past Daniel, ignoring his desperate waves for them to stop.

 

“I guess no one wants to go out of the way to take two kids out of town,” Daniel replies.

 

He hugs his jacket closer when a gust of wind blows past, it’s already getting chiller by the minute. The weather is a bitch these days - and especially with the dark clouds approaching from a distance away, Daniel thinks that they will need a ride soon or will have to resort to hiding under the big trees.

 

“Hey, you kids need a ride?”

 

An old, vintage car that Daniel hasn’t seen in years - it was probably famous during his dad’s time, pulls up beside a scowling Jihoon and desperate Daniel. The window rolls down with much difficulty, when a middle-aged man pops his head out.

 

Daniel looks at Jihoon for an answer.

 

“Well?” the man prompts. “It looks like it’s going to storm soon.”

 

Jihoon puffs out his cheeks, obviously not expecting an old, run down car to stop for them. But Daniel isn’t one to expect anything because then he wouldn’t be disappointed. He peers at the car; no drugs or bombs or suspicious firearms. The man looks harmless, to say the least.

 

He just has the creepiest smile.

 

“Come on,” Daniel waves Jihoon over. “You sit at the back.”

 

Daniel doesn’t like to hesitate, especially when thunder rumbles in the sky so he climbs into the passenger seat and tells the driver  _ thank you _ because he at least has some courtesy. 

 

After a while, Jihoon sighs defeatedly and fumbles into the back seat, never saying a word to the driver who looks at him expectantly through the rearview mirror.

 

“Buckle up,” the man smiles at Jihoon.

 

Jihoon just rolls his eyes.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“So… what are you two doing out here on a stormy day like this?”

 

Jihoon frowns. He does not like curious people. Granted, this old geezer is giving them a lift to god knows where but he’s smiling too much at Jihoon and Daniel and asking too many questions that Jihoon does not have the answer to.

 

He just keeps his mouth shut and hopes it will be enough of an indication for the man to shut the fuck up and just drive.

 

“He doesn’t talk much, does he?” the driver looks at Daniel, whose eyes shift between the two nervously.

 

“ _ He _ talks just enough to people  _ he  _ wants to talk to,” Jihoon answers smugly.

 

The driver should be offended but he just looks bemused.

 

“Are you two dating? Boyfriends?”

 

_ See  _ \- this is what Jihoon means by asking too many questions. It should not be any of his business whether he is sleeping with Daniel or not but he is asking like he demands an answer. Jihoon just crosses his arms and looks at Daniel, awaiting his answer.

 

Daniel just clears his throat and keeps his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

The man laughs, as if Daniel had said something hilarious but Jihoon does not feel like laughing at all.

 

“Ah, grey areas. I should know all about those, huh.”

 

He then nudges Daniel playfully, to which the other boy responds with a half-hearted smile. 

 

“He is pretty,” the man adds, then catches Daniel’s glint and holds up one hand in surrender. “Not to compete with you or anything because I have a great family. Two baby girls as well, and a cat.”

 

Jihoon wants to gag. He swears if Daniel does not feel the same he will dump him.

 

“Don’t mind me, I’m just making conversation. It looks like the storm is getting worse. Let’s pull over for a while, yeah? I promise I’ll bring you guys out after I get my coffee fix.”

 

Jihoon does not like the sound of that but he doesn’t have a sound enough argument to say anything else. Daniel does not seem to mind when the driver pulls up to a small cafe down the road.

 

He jumps slightly when lightning leaves cracks in the sky, followed by a loud boom.

 

He really wishes that for a moment, he could cuddle in Daniel’s jacket right now.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“I’m not a coffee drinker.”

 

Daniel really does not drink coffee, likes to stay away from it actually. It keeps him up unnecessarily at night. So when the driver sets down two cups of warm coffee and toast to share, he speaks up. Jihoon does not look like he wants to eat anything either.

 

Which is very strange.

 

The Park Jihoon he knows is always hungry.

 

“You don’t want to eat?” he elbows Jihoon lightly, who looks like he is in a daze.

 

“You don’t have to take care of your boyfriend, just take care of yourself,” the driver smiles, pushing the toast towards Daniel.

 

Jihoon can’t help it anymore, he scoffs.

 

“I’ll take care of my boyfriend myself,  _ thanks _ ,” he snaps, pushing the toast back. “He does not eat toast. He doesn’t even each much anyway so you can take this away.”

 

Daniel’s hands naturally find their way to Jihoon’s thigh, squeezing it once nervously; probably to tell him to stop.

 

“I really appreciate it though,” Daniel chimes.

 

He even smiles slightly.

 

The driver just raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything about Jihoon’s tone like he expects. At this rate, he should just take them to the police already. Jihoon wouldn’t mind, there is something severely wrong with this man anyway, he can feel it.

 

“Running away from home?” he asks, pointing his chin at Daniel. “He put you up to it, right?”

 

“He didn’t do anyth-” Daniel starts.

 

“Don’t pretend like you know everything just because you’re old,” Jihoon replies sharply. “Maybe we are bank robbers, or maybe we are murderers. We don’t  _ always  _ have to be angsty teenagers running away from a dysfunctional family.”

 

Jihoon stands up abruptly after finishing his sentence, storming outside without another word.

 

It hit too close to home.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

The storm is heavy, but at least it drowns out Jihoon’s thoughts.

 

He hates rainy days, especially thunderstorms. He still remembers watching his father walking away into the distance, only his silhouette showing while Jihoon sits at the playground, too scared to move. He remembers how he had curled up on the rubbery floor, praying that the rain would stop and his father would come back for him soon.

 

He never did.

 

It’s fucking cold outside the cafe, and Jihoon feels so lonely.

 

Jihoon thinks about just walking away, leaving everything behind. But then he thinks about Kang Daniel flagging down a car for them after Jihoon had caused his dad’s car to explode. He thinks about Daniel stopping him before he flares up at a complete, innocent stranger.

 

He wipes the water droplets off his sleeve and walks back into the cafe, preparing his apology that will be the least to say, embarrassing but necessary.

 

The booth is empty.

 

Daniel wouldn’t leave him.

 

_ Right _ ?

 

He looks around, suddenly panicked.

 

_ No _ .

 

Daniel wouldn’t do that to him. He would never.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“ _ Ah- _ ” Daniel hears himself gasp when a pair of strong arms wrap around his waist while he is zipping up his jeans. He tries to squirm, but to no avail.

 

“Relax,” a deep voice whispers into his ear. “Your boyfriend isn’t here. You can be yourself with me.”

 

Sometimes, Daniel wonders why he lets things happen to him.

 

Things that he does not like, things that make him uncomfortable and his skin crawl.

 

“Sorry-” he tries to say, but is turned around immediately- his back pressed against the wall of this dark and sleazy toilet. He’s met with the same face from the cafe. 

 

“Ah-  _ wait _ ,” he fumbles when the driver’s hands slip down to cup his groin area.

 

“Shh,” the voice calms him down.

 

Daniel freezes. He doesn’t know why. He knows he has a knife hidden under his clothes and that he can use it whenever, but he just  _ doesn’t _ . Everything slows and it feels like he no longer has control over his own body. He doesn’t want to, but he finds himself voluntarily surrendering.

 

“At first, I only had eyes for that pretty twink boyfriend of yours. But he has such a sharp tongue; I don’t like it very much.”

 

A breath hitches in his throat.

 

“You are not too bad too, a nice body… nice personality… though a little quiet for me.”

 

It is different.

 

Everything is different.

 

From the rough lips that move against his sloppily to the hands that treat him carelessly. He does not like it, not one bit.

 

Nothing he does is like Jihoon.

 

My god,  _ Jihoon _ .

 

“Ya, what the fuck are you doing?”

 

It feels like he finally can breathe when the hands are taken off his body, yet he feels dirty. He doesn’t like it even more that Jihoon is seeing him like this. He feels like a monster.

 

Jihoon glares at him, “You kissed him?”

 

“N-no,” Daniel shakes his head immediately, moving away from the wall. “He-”

 

Jihoon catches the arm of the driver before he can slip out of the bathroom. And without warning and with strength Daniel even knew he possessed, he throws him down onto the floor hard.

 

Daniel looks away when Jihoon doesn’t hesitate to land a few hard punches on his face- eliciting muffled groans. He might even have heard something crack.

 

“Fucking asshole,” Jihoon punctuates with a last punch. “How dare you.”

 

“Jihoon,” Daniel steps out to stop him before it gets too serious.

 

They will get caught faster at this rate - with a dead body on their hands, especially when Jihoon doesn’t look like he is going to stop soon.

 

Jihoon looks livid, seething from head to toe with bruised knuckles from hitting the driver too hard.

 

“You are a disgusting piece of trash,” Jihoon spits. “And I hope you die a terrible death.”

 

Daniel winces at the injuries on the driver’s face. 

 

Jihoon crouches down, apparently not done yet.

 

Slapping the man’s face hard, he says, “You will go outside and tell everyone that you had a bad fall or I swear to all the Gods that I will find you again. And then, I  _ will not _ let you walk.” 

 

Digging into the man’s pocket, Jihoon picks out his wallet.

 

Even in the most dire of situations, Jihoon thinks for them.

 

“Come on,” Jihoon slips his hand gently into Daniel’s - then pulls him away from the toilet without even a second of hesitation.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“Why did you let him do that?”

 

Jihoon asks after five minutes of silence between them. He knows that Daniel will never say anything first. He stuffs the dollar bills into his pocket.

 

Daniel just stares at his knees.

 

He is so frustrating - Jihoon doesn’t know whether to yell at him or pretend it never happened.

 

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel like doing,” Jihoon says. “You know that is the whole point of running away, right? You should only do what you want to.”

 

After a while, Daniel nods slowly.

 

“Are you hurt anywhere? I have money now, we can go and buy medicine if you want.”

 

“I’m just tired.”

 

That hurts Jihoon so much more. Daniel never, ever voices out his feelings in front of Jihoon - always leaving him guessing. This is the one time he is speaking his mind and it has to be under such shitty consequences.

 

Jihoon has nothing left to say.

 

“Alright then, come on.”

 

It does not feel as great when Daniel follows behind him, hands inside his bomber jacket.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“A double bed.”

 

“Yes,” Jihoon sighs, already exhausted from the day’s events and he does not have the energy nor time to deal with an annoying hotel desk clerk. The young lady looks at Jihoon, then at an already gloomy Daniel behind.

 

“We are going to have sex.”

 

She chokes on air, handing the hotel key to Jihoon immediately.

 

It is what she is wondering anyway, right?

 

“Thanks,” he waves the card at her before gesturing for Daniel to follow.

  
  
  
  
  


The room is nice - nicer than Daniel had imagined. But he thinks Jihoon did pay a hefty sum for it earlier on when he had taken out a thick wad of bills. The bed is soft, and big as well.

 

“You can watch TV if you want to,” Jihoon says.

 

“Okay.”

 

“I’m going to make a call at the lobby.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“...”

 

“Do you need me to come with?”

 

He is surprised he asks, and Jihoon looks just as surprised to hear him ask a question; or to even show some kind of initiative. Jihoon purses his lips, contemplating for a moment then shakes his head.

 

“No. Just watch TV.”

 

“Ok-”

 

Daniel doesn’t even get to finish his sentence when Jihoon slams the door shut.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“Hello?”

 

His voice is stuck in his throat, wondering what he should say first. He had prepared so many things to say before, but now that Park Jinwoon’s voice is on the receiver, his mind is completely blank. He doesn’t even have energy to fight anymore.

 

“It’s Jihoon, isn’t it?”

 

The words never come.

 

“You’re tired of running already? But it’s what your family does best isn’t it? Your mother ran, and then your father also ran away from you. You’re a scary child, scaring people far away whenever they come close to you. You should just stay away, Jihoon, lest you really end up alone.”

 

Jihoon doesn’t even have to hear the rest to agree.

 

He is already alone.

 

“Keep running, Jihoon ah.”

 

He gulps, swallowing his tears.

 

“We don’t want you back.”

 

The phone gets slammed down, leaving Jihoon to hang onto the dial tone.

 

Eventually, he thinks he is going to lose his mind and decides to return to the room again.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Daniel flinches when the door clicks open, then relaxes when Jihoon comes into view.

 

“You didn’t sleep yet? You said you were sleepy.”

 

Truthfully, Daniel thinks he is so tired he could sleep standing up right now. But it still doesn’t feel right to go to sleep without waiting for Jihoon to return. He just shrugs as an answer.

 

When Jihoon rubs his eyes, Daniel starts to second-guess himself.

 

Did Jihoon cry?

 

Maybe his bloodshot eyes are due to exhaustion, like Daniel. He voice sounds a little more nasal than usual and he’s avoiding eye contact with Daniel. He wonders what happened at the vending machine.

 

“I’ll sleep first, then.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Daniel doesn’t even know if he should ask if Jihoon is feeling okay because the other boy would just brush him off anyway. The bed dips when Jihoon climbs onto it and lays down on his side, back facing Daniel.

 

Everything in Daniel’s mind is telling him:  _ Do it now. _

 

_ Now, now, now, now, now. _

 

His crimson red blood would look delightful on the white sheets.

 

But Daniel can’t bring himself to do it.

 

Even though he hates seeing his own scars, Daniel finally takes off his jacket and lays it on Jihoon gently, watching as Jihoon stiffens from the gesture.

 

Still, Jihoon does not say a thing. Someone who usually has so much to say about everything is suddenly mute and it concerns Daniel to no end.

 

He lays down on the bed, next to Jihoon.

 

The purplish stitched scar that stretches across his arm makes Daniel wince, so he tucks that arm under his pillow and watches Jihoon’s back.

 

Jihoon lets out a muffled sob, his body shaking softly as Daniel can tell he is trying his best no to cry.

 

“Don’t listen,” Jihoon warns Daniel.

 

“I won’t,” he promises.

 

He really wouldn’t.

 

“Daniel.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Can you cuddle with me?”

 

It is a strange request, coming from Jihoon. But as long as Daniel is Daniel, he will fulfill it. He’s never cuddled anyone before, but he thinks he has seen it on TV. Hesitantly, he puts an arm around Jihoon and shifts his body closer so they are touching.

 

Daniel rubs his thumb on Jihoon’s back until he finally stops shaking and his breaths start to regulate, until he finally falls asleep.

 

He decides that he will let Jihoon live, for now.

 

It is too cruel to kill anyone who is already sad.

 

Sadness is enough of a killer - trust Daniel, he knows.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry late Christmas from me!
> 
> hope u all had a special day regardless of whether u celebrate it or not
> 
> if you enjoyed part 2 please leave a comment because i'd love to know which part/character you liked!!!


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